Two non-food-related stories.
Story 1. Yesterday, I went into Office Max to pick up a case of printer paper. I walked right past the post-it notes, the ink pens, the Sharpies, the calendars, the colored notepads, and all the other office supplies I hold dear, and picked up a 20 pound box of copier paper, placed it in my cart, and wheeled on up to the cashier to check out and go on my way. The following conversation ensued between me and a male employee. We'll call him "Max."
Max: (looks in my cart, with disbelief, and looks at me) You mean you lifted that box ALL BY YOURSELF?
Me: (thinking to myself... oh Lord... here we go.) Yep. I sure did.
Max: (staring in disbelief, still) Well, you don't have to worry about picking that up again; I'll bring it right out to your car for you!
Me: Ok. Thank you.
Max: I mean, *laughing & grabbing my arm* look at that, you've got such little arms!
Me: (infuriated and offended) Hey. I might be little. But I'm strong. I swim. I've got muscles. I can handle it. But since you offered so nicely, I'll LET you bring this box out to my car.
Max: So do you have a rewards card with us?
Me: No. Is it free?
Max: Heck yeah it's free! Here, sign up for it.
Me: Ok. (note: not even creepy Office Max employees can stop me from the potential for office supply discounts.)
Max: (observing me as I fill out my Office Max rewards program form, where I'd just written my name) Laura, how are the kids?
Me: (thinking: is he talking to me? I'm going to ignore him.)
Max: Laura, how are the kids?
Me: (continuing "ignore" phase, failing to look up.)
Max: LAURA! How are those kids?
Me: Are you talking to me?
Max: *dumbfounded look*
Me: First of all, I don't have any kids. I have a cat. And second of all, I don't even go by Laura. Anybody who knows me, knows that.
Max: (nervous laugh and sorry excuse about how he thought he knew me)
Me: That's ok.
Max: That actually worked on a girl one time.
Story 2. Last night, Dave and I went to SweetWater for Jack's birthday party. It's the first time we'd been back to the brewery since our wedding day. Lots of nostalgia ensued.
We retrieved our first beers, and walked outside. I put on my sunglasses, reached into my purse and whipped out a beer koozie for my beer glass. Here's interesting conversation of the day #2.
Dave: (shaking his head, like "NO") Really? You can't be serious.
Me: Of course I'm serious.
Dave: (hanging head and shaking it in disbelief)
Me: Why else would I carry around an emergency koozie, in my purse, if I wasn't going to use it at opportune times? It is hot out here. And my beer will get warm if I don't use the koozie. And my hands will get cold. Besides, I guarantee you I won't be the only person here tonight who uses a koozie for their beer glass.
Dave: Alright. I bet you WILL be the only person here who has one.
Me: Fine. Bet on.
(we go back to drinking and eating our pizza, never actually determining what I'd win, or he'd win, if either of us won the bet.)
2 hours later...
Me: OH MY GOD can I just tell you how excited I am to see that you have a koozie on your beer glass like I do?
Random Stranger Woman that I Do Not Know: (odd look) Well. Thank you.
Me: I mean, really. That's awesome.
Random Stranger: Cheers to that! (cling glasses)
Me: Can I just point you out to my husband? We have a bet going.
Random Stranger: Well...
Me: DAVE! DAVE! LOOK!! (pointed at Random Stranger's koozie-covered beer glass as she holds it up)
Dave: Oh. Wow. Guess you won!
Me; Thank you. That's all. Rock on.
Random Stranger: You're welcome.
Dave offered to take me out to La Parilla for margaritas and drive us home afterwards... but he does that anyway on a regular basis. I'm still trying to figure out what he owes me for his disbelief.